My To Do List

"Out of my mind. Be back in five minutes."

-Unknown

I am overwhelmed by my to do list. If I brainstorm a long one it becomes a veritable manifesto of everything from the day to day menial tasks to important shit I need to take care of to trying to take care of myself to people I need to call to let them know that yes, in fact, I am still alive.

I have a house to clean. Always several decorating projects I want to get to if there were not so many organizational things I needed to get to first if I choose to be practical. Birthday parties and celebrations are every other week it seems and don't forget the gifts. And oh yeah the claims for the accidents I had last year. Frick... has it been almost a year? Better get those in before I can't claim that shit anymore. Because I need the cash dudes. Hockey season is approaching and...oh crap the meat fundraising thing. Does anyone want to buy some meat to support my son Julian's very expensive hockey career? Oh man I forgot to call about Noah's soccer for the summer. Middle child...can't make him feel like one by forgetting that!

But the baby! Oh little Drew how I love thee but you keep me on my toes. Oh shit he is crying. Frick. One sec.

I'm back. OK so I need to call the church even though I am not Catholic because we need to get him baptized. Soon. Or else he will not fit into the Pillsbury doh-boy outfit his brothers both wore. So I need to call yesterday. And where to have the reception? Italians like to do it up nice...that is my husband's side... and I want to do it at home. Less expensive. But then those decorating and organizing and cleaning to dos have to be considered again a little more seriously. Crap I need outdoor furniture if I want people to be able to sit down outside. But what if it rains? It is monsoon season here it seems.

Frick. I forgot to pay the bills. Oh yeah, my husband did that. Good guy. But now when do we get paid again? Cause this shit takes money and my benefits are gonna be over for this year soon enough. Oh Lord I need new glasses cause the ones I wear at night have only one arm and are two prescriptions too old cause I wear my contacts during the day. But getting up at might for the baby is hard when your glasses are always falling off and are blurry anyways. When I drop them I then have to find them. When you are almost legally blind this is rather difficult. Eye doctor...gotta call. And for the boys too. And crapolies I need to go to the dentist. This crap was too hard when I was pregnant with broken feet and now it will be even more fun...for the whole family!

And Drew's nine month appointment. And Noah's assessment. Frick! Oh and that little detail about permanently preventing myself from ever getting knocked up again. Or will my husband get off his butt to get the snip snip? Not that he is not working his ass off as hard as I am. Man! And not that we have time for extracurricular bedroom activities anymore unless we happen to be wide awake at 2:30 am and can't sleep at the same time. That happens a whole lot. Not. But it is nice when it does because keeping my marriage alive and full of spark is up there too but always seems to plummet due to a few other things we gotta get done.

Like watch the last episode of Oprah! Shit. No more PVR and I know I say I don't miss it because when do I have time to watch TV? But this is her last show people! An important event! I must watch! But I must also make dinner. Something that goes with ketchup. And involves all the food groups. And won't keep me in my maternity clothes until I am 64. Will my my husband still need be when I'm 64? I need to listen to more music. It makes me happy. But I listen to the Wiggles cause it keeps my baby happy. And The Ramones cause my kids like it. Yeah...I said The Ramones. Is that appropriate? Better than Slayer I say. But I'd rather listen to Soundgarden. Or maybe some Enya. In a bath. With bubbles. And candles. And a magazine. And wine. Lots of wine. But then I will be drunk. And then hung over. And then I will get nothing done. And I won't even be able to enjoy Oprah. Or be able to go grocery shopping. Or write a blog post. It would be all rambling and long and won't go anywhere. Pardon? No I am not drunk now. I wish.

Wait. Now it is the next day and the raccoons got to our wet garbage out front and I have to go clean it up so the garbage man will take it away and so my front lawn won't look like a dump. Then again, maybe we will get bears! The kids would love to see that. Wait...not safe. Hold on a sec. Frick.

OK. Back. That was lovely. God bless my husband who virtually always takes care of that shit. And I mean that literally. Used diapers, moldy food, coffee grounds mixed with ants and other fun living things. If only I could get to that herb garden I want to start. Then I can just throw some of that in there. It's better for the environment and makes for better food.

So back to other stuff I need to get done. Like this post that is taking me 2 days is is totally disjointed because I have too much other crap to do. Like cutting the grass. And landscaping. My husband has sooooo much time to do these things and it would be nice to help with the outside stuff. And oh yeah the gym. The frickin gym. My ample ass needs to get on an ample bike seat for about 74,378 hours in the next two days if I want to balance out the shit I ate today because I need to go grocery shopping for real food and stop it with the cereal I eat because I give the kids the good stuff. Or sometimes not. But oh crap I gotta get some sleep it is after midnight at this point. I started this post yesterday if you are confused. I need to make my to do list for tomorrow and get this frickin blog post done first.

Oh. I think I just did. Whew. That's a load off.

But I'm not quite done. Now I'm gonna brush my teeth, tell myself I must have a shower - not a bath...not realistic! - in the next 72 hours before I decompose and then eat a piece of chocolate because I deserve it. Then think about the gym and the scale and my diet and how all this stuff takes too much time and what I really should be doing is playing and snuggling and laughing with my boys. Unless they have homework they need help with. Or a diaper change. Crap. My baby's music toy needs batteries right now. Yes it is the next day again OK. Sue me. This "music"sounds like a dying cow on a loop. My boys do have homework. Julian needs to make a little cannon for his castle project and needs silver paint but he forgot that at school. And Noah has a test tomorrow. Oh really? Was that tomorrow? Wonderful news! Calgon take me away!

Oh yeah. No time for a bath or wine or even a shower for that matter.  Oh man I need to pee! I also need to wash the kids' clothes because tomorrow they need to wear something decent for the spring concert and everything is dirty. Oh shit... When IS that spring concert? Or is it a play? IS that tomorrow or is that next month? Oh please let it be next month. And the baskets they are collecting items for so they can raise money for the school. I need to get on that. But I know i probably won't and then feel guilty about it. Bad Mom! But the fun fair is on the same day as Julian's hockey tournament and the same day as a birthday party. Oh shit. Then after all that? Summer. All three boys at home with me. The joy! The rapture! The family fun! I hope the sun come out tomorrow. Should I bet my bottom dollar? I need to go see more musical theatre cause I am sported out people. And I need to see my girlfriends more. Really now. Will I recognize them when I finally do see them? Will they recognize me?


Then I have that spa gift card my sweet husband gave to me about 4 years ago. As if I have time for that. But I know I need to be still. Be in the present moment. Stop and smell the roses. Oh I need a trellis for my roses, that reminds me. And I need to be thankful for all I have. And that reminds me, I need to make a gratitude list of all I have to be thankful for. Another list. Just what I need. But Oprah would be proud.

This is not me. She's prettier.

And I deserve something too right? I need to be authentically me. Not lose myself in all the details. Focus on the big picture. Don't worry, be happy. Bobby McFarron sucks but the song is catchy.

Maybe I will just drop everything, and join the circus. But clowns give me the creeps.

Smiles,
Lora


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