Friday, July 08, 2011

I Love Chocolate so Much I Want to Marry It

My name is Lora, and I'm a chocoholic.

"Thank you."

It's harmless enough. So I love a good chocolate bar, a brownie, a truffle. And when I say "love" I don't really feel that is for lack of a better word. I mean, I LOVE chocolate.

Yes...I love it so much I want to marry it.

Really, I am not a candy person. Frankly, I don't have time for it. I would much rather save my sugar calories for the caviar of sweets. I mean, why have a jelly bean if you can have a piece of smooth, chocolaty goodness? Why waste energy on a sour key when fresh brownies are also an option? Given the choice between chocolate or vanilla or even more puzzling...strawberry...why, oh why would anyone pick anything other than the clear and obvious choice?

And I am a pretty open-minded chocolate lover. I love me a fine Godiva one day and will be swooning over a discounted chocolate bunny on the day after Easter at Shopper's Drug Mart. I prefer milk, but a nice dark is lovely...and has several health benefits as well. And yes...of course there is a difference between the high-end and the low. But I really enjoy all kinds. It is when you start to tamper with the beauty that is the pure taste that I start to grimace.

If only someone would take a bite out of my fat ass.

Now don't get me wrong. There are some amazing companions to chocolate that when married make a perfect couple. Caramel is one of them. Awesome. Peanut Butter is another. So frickin tasty. Many different kinds of nuts also work well...the trusty almond being my personal fave. And you can't go wrong with a perfectly chewy, homemade, chocolate chip cookie...the more chips, the better.

But don't start messin'! Fruit is one area where I have some serious issues. Here are a few rules. Fresh fruit and chocolate: good. Dried fruit and chocolate: bad. Creamy, fruit-flavoured filling inside a chocolate: gross. Fruit-flavoured chocolate: why? If I wanted an orange, I would have an orange. Leave my chocolate out of it people.

I have heard many people eat something decadently chocolaty, like a triple chocolate cheesecake or a "death by chocolate" type ice cream and proclaim "That is TOO rich!"

When it comes to chocolate, I don't think those words have ever left my lips. In fact, when I hear someone say that, I am generally pretty damn sure that whatever they are consuming will be better than sex.

Chocolate is sexy.

And while we are on the topic of sex, lest we not forget the beauty and fun of chocolate body paint. For serious folks. I thought it would be funny to buy this as a stocking stuffer for my husband one year. Strangely enough, a week later after a few too many chocolate martinis on New Years, I thought it would be fun to try it out.

Our first son was born 9 months later.

Too much information, I realize. Not enough chocolate. Ever.

It is a bit of a love-hate thing...this relationship I have with chocolate. As my taste buds rapture, my ass gets very pissed off. You see, I find it extremely difficult to "just say no", and my diet has been derailed more times than I can count by my addiction. And no, I don't think addiction is too strong a word. When I said I was a chocoholic, I was not joking.

I buy chocolate, I hide chocolate, I hoard chocolate and as mentioned, I even manage to make love to chocolate.

Hey...I said I would marry chocolate, but I'm already hitched, so I find creative ways have my chocolate cake and eat it too.




Suggested Reading

Your Lonely Addiction
The No Diet Diet


  1. Can you say "Mars bar please?"... oh the days when they didn't go straigh to our thighs.

    And I whole heartedly agree... fruit has no business being mixed with chocolate (unless it's fresh). It's like going to McDonalds, ordering a combo with everything supersized.... and asking for a Diet Coke. Why bother?

  2. Ha! I knew that was you Sars! Mars bars still rock! And the fruit thing is just wrong. But thighs are right there with my ass. Not diggin' the chocolate. Oh well...some loves are unconditional. :))

  3. Who doesn't like chocolate? I too love milk chocolate especially one with caramel. Like it so much that if there was a Chocoholics anonymous group - I would have to join them for help?

  4. Thanks for your comment Mina. I have yet to find a 12-step program and yes...I have looked. But then again, as the serenity prayer says, I have to accept the things I cannot change and girl...I do believe this is one of those things. :)

  5. I like it so much i'd drink it out of a toilet! Yes........ toilet...... call me crazy! I love chocolate too....... ;)

    1. Yes...I see that Richard. And I love people who love chocolate. The toilet thing however? Jury is out on that one. Never the less (as someone I know would say)...welcome to The Hugging Home. Lxo