Monday, April 30, 2012

Should You Have Baby #3?

When my husband and I first got married we thought that three kids sounded good.

I am one of three and he is one of two. We knew we wanted kids for sure. We hammered that out on our first date.

Actually, we hammered that out within the first hour that we met. Well...not that we wanted to have kids together quite yet...but that we wanted families.

We were both at that "why bother if they don't want to have kids?' age. When he brought this up in the bar that evening we met, I knew that either he could be "the One"...or that he had a really good pick-up line. As it turned out, both were true.

Rob and I the night we met.
OK, maybe not.

We also knew we wanted our children to have siblings. Three just seemed right to us.

Less than a year after we got married, I was pregnant with our first son.

Yup. This is me and little, unborn Julian...our oldest son.

Parenthood was more challenging than we thought - as I think it is for everyone - and we started to think that two kids sounded more appropriate.

When our first son was about two and a half years old we welcomed our second son.

Parenthood to two kids was not as much of a shock to the system as becoming parents for the first time...but things were busy with two under three years old.

We thought our hunch was a good one. Two kids.

Our oldest boys, Julian and Noah.

Cool. We're good. We're done. We are a nice little family.

And so we were for quite a while.

Things were busy...and I stayed home for a while and my husband even stayed home for a while and we motored along.

Fast forward several years.

When we were quite safely (so we thought) and comfortably out of the baby zone (we had even cleared out all of our baby stuff and my maternity clothes) guessed it peeps...I found out I was expecting again.

"What? A baby? Yay!!!"

WTF? (Wednesday? Thursday? Friday?) I think it was a Wednesday when I peed on the stick actually.

But I digress as always.

So when we had an 8 year old and a 6 year old, we then found ourselves with a newborn. Our third son.

Our baby boy Drew.
In case the crooked letters on the wall didn't tip you off.

And baby makes 3.

Well...3 kids. If you count us, that would be 5. You knew that? Sorry. Didn't mean to spoon-feed ya. I have had three babies! Give me a break!

Remember this show? It was about a family with 3 girls.
Give YOU a break?
Try 3 boys!

I know a lot of people wrestle with the decision of whether or not to have a third child. I mean, with two, you are not out-numbered. The world seems designed for a nice, 4-person family. Cars, booths at restaurants, hotel rooms, yadda, yadda, yadda. Adding a third just throws everything off!

Adding another child to this lovely sculpture would surely throw it off balance!

And I am not about to sit here and blog about what I think people should do. That would be ignorant...and quite frankly, I have no idea what people should do!

I have no idea why we do these things either.

All I can do is share my own experience, which, of course, is vastly different than anyone elses'.

Has my life gotten more difficult with the addition of a third child?

Yes. Of course it has.

Has my life been enriched by the addition of a third child?

Yes. It certainly has.

Do I ever think to myself, "Oh man, we should have been more careful!"?

Yes, I will admit that I have my moments! We all do.

But in life, you tend to regret more the things that you DON'T do, rather than the things you DO do.

Except, perhaps, this tattoo. 

And once a child is born, you tend not to regret having them. But I do know people who look back and wish they had had another.

In the grand scheme of things, I think having a third child was very good for our family in many, unexpected ways - besides the fact that we have a wonderful addition to our family in little Drew.

That is life for ya! The domino effect of things that them good or bad...usually render many a treasured surprise if you really unravel it all.

And so, if you are wondering if you should have a third child, all I can say is don't think about it too much. This is not a matter of the mind.

Try to feel about it.

Because it is a matter of the heart.

( a bottle of wine and see what happens. Worked for me!)

...and, if you will, an expect on "cutting cheese".
Help me.


Saturday, April 28, 2012

WellX Article #16: On Hurtful Language

Happy Weekend all!

As I always do, I will begin by pointing you in the direction of my first fifteen articles published by Wellx here.

Yesterday, my sixteenth article was published. 

I am so happy to continue to work with WellnessX and share my thoughts with you and wellness professionals around the world.

Here's the link!

Thanks as always to Mel and everyone at WellnessX for continuing to share my work and for their on-going support and great work with the wellness community!



Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Raising Boys World Article #4: Who is Easier to Raise?

Hello readers!

Today my fourth article for Raising Boys World (RBW) has been published!

To read my past articles for RBW, please click here.

This new piece explores the age-old question: Who is easier to raise - boys or girls?

My two oldest boys looking lovely.
"We are pretty easy, right Mom?"
I don't claim to have the answer...but I do have some thoughts!

So here is the link:

Raising the Roof on Boys Versus Girls: Who is Easier?  By: Lora Rossi  April 25, 2012

As always, thanks to Tara, Renee and the entire RBW family for continuing to publish my work and for their on-going support and wonderful website!



Friday, April 20, 2012

That's Retarded!

I have written before about the power of words.

I guess being a writer, that makes sense.

In fact, this post is not going to have any pictures on purpose. Let's focus on the words.

And I am guessing that the title of this post may have gotten your attention.

Well good.

That's the point.

Have you ever said that? "That's retarded!"?

I know I have. In fact, I shudder when I admit that I know I have said it recently.

Hence this post. is not just the fact that I know I have said it. I caught one of my bright, thoughtful, lovely boys saying it.

And I knew then that it was time for a conversation.

And then I knew it was time for a blog post.

While I assume they heard it from someone in the school yard, or perhaps in the hockey dressing room, it is quite possible that they heard it from me.

And that makes me angry.

Angry at myself for letting myself slip.

Frankly, I would rather them hear me say "shit" or even less attractive language than hear me say something like "that's retarded".

Let me explain further.

Certain things that we say...sometimes without even realizing incredibly derogatory and downright wrong. This is not about political correctness - although that is part of it I suppose. This is really about respect.

Respect for all human beings as equals.

Does anyone reading this ever use the term "handicapped"?

I used to.

Then, back in University I did my final paper on "accessibility in an urban setting" as the topper for my Sociology degree at The University of Guelph.

As part of my research, I interviewed a number of people with physical disabilities - particularly those that used a wheelchair.

One young man shared something with me that I will never forget. He taught me the roots of the term "handicapped".

I did not know this before I met this person, but the word "handicapped" refers to when people with disabilities had no other options in society than to beg for money - with cap in hand held out hoping for spare change. And there the term "handicapped" was born.

Not a very complimentary - or humane - word all of a sudden.

Ever since then, I have not used this word. I have also shared this little piece of history with a number of people.

The same goes for the terms "retard" or "retarded" when speaking of people with mental disabilities.

I put them up there with derogatory terms used to refer to other minority groups. The "n" word for people of colour. The "f" word for homosexuals. I can't even type the words.

I can relate some of this back to a common saying "rule of thumb". We all have said it...but do you know where that one originated?

The "rule of thumb" actually refers to the diameter of the stick that a man could use...according to the "rule of thumb" beat his wife with once upon a time. It could "only" be up to as wide as his own thumb.

Interesting how certain words and phrases get mixed into our every day language and use.

So the point of this is to just be more aware of the words that you say...and where they came from.

I am still are we all. And we all slip.

But remember that our children are listening.

And on that note, my son just asked me "what the frick" I was writing about.

I wonder where the frick he got that from?

Time for a chat.



Monday, April 16, 2012

Quit It!

Did I just say that?

Yeah...I did.

I said "Quit it!"

What am I talking about?

I thought you'd never ask!

I am not a "quitter" by nature. When I start something, I like to see it through. I believe that if you start something, you should try to finish it.

But when is enough, enough?

When does "trying hard" become "spinning your wheels"?

Winston Churchill said "If you are going through hell, keep going."

Sure dude. I agree.

But the question is, in which direction should you move? Further into the depths of hell, or a little closer to heaven?

If you have been trying to do something...trying hard...and you feel you are stuck...maybe, just maybe, you need to stop.

At least stop for long enough to evaluate what you are doing and why you are doing it.

Sometimes in life we start to go down a path that becomes scary, strange and uncomfortable.

Now these things don't always mean you should stop what you are doing.

But sometimes they do.

Why are you feeling afraid? Why are you uncomfortable?

Sometimes you know that these feelings are what come with new territory...and you your gut...that you should push on.

But sometimes, you are hesitant because your gut is telling you that perhaps the path you are on is not the right path for you.

As you try to move forward, something is holding you back from moving quickly and swiftly. Something...maybe it is your telling you that perhaps you should have taken a different turn somewhere back there.

But you have already come this far! Why quit now?!?!??

Sound familiar?

We are taught that quitting is not a good thing. It has been hammered into our brains and we think that quitting is for losers. How can one possibly win at anything in life if you quit?

I disagree.

Let me tell you a little story.

Once upon a time, there was a young man. This man decided to go to medical school to become a doctor. His mother was a doctor and she would be so proud of him! He could still do his art on the those moments of free time between his studies and his rounds at the hospital.

And so in his 2nd year of medical school he started to feel heavy. He started to feel down more than up. He realized that he didn't have much free time. He realized his paint was starting to dry up.

He realized that he didn't want to become a doctor.

OK. So I am going to stop the story here.

Because this story could continue a number of different ways.

What would you tell this young man to do?

Should he continue on with medical school? Or should he quit?

I know it is not black and white. There would be many things for him to consider. But I think you are probably seeing my point.

We only live once.

So if you are feeling like this young man...and you are feeling like you are on the wrong path...take a little time to catch your breath.

Be still.

I am not saying you should make an instant, hasty decision...but try to get a better understanding of why you are feeling the way you do. Look inward. Listen to your gut. Listen to your heart.

And if you come to the realization that you are, indeed, on the wrong path for you...then I have one piece of advice.

And it is not easy advice to follow.

Trust me, I know.

But here it is:

Quit it!