Sunday, February 02, 2014

My Home is Not Broken

"When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they 'don't understand' one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to."
 - Helen Rowland

Separation and divorce is never fun. It is never easy.

It is no walk in the park.

Especially when children are involved, it is a long, emotional, painful and confusing process.

No one enters a marriage thinking that one day it will end.

Sure, we all know the general stats but we never think that we are going to part of the estimated 50% of marriages that cease to last until death do us part.

Unfortunately, my marriage was one of those marriages.

And it is still fresh...still new. It was May, 2013 when my husband and I made the very difficult decision - after many years of ups and downs -  to go our separate ways.

We do not hate each other. There were no third parties involved. It didn't explode due to a giant, single argument of he saids and she saids.

We just came to the conclusion that we had been unhappy for long enough. We decided that we were not the best suited partners.

We also knew that we would forever be connected as co-parents of our three, beautiful sons.

We did not fight over the children or over major financial issues. We knew that we wanted what was best for our children and what was best for each other.

We knew we wanted what was best for our family.

Yes...that's what I said.

Our family.

Present tense.

People still refer to families that involve separation and/or divorce as "broken".

My family did not break. My family is not broken, thank you very much.

My family has been re-organized.

My family has shifted from being a nuclear family to a bi-nuclear family.

I am still the mother. He is still the father. Our children are still our children.

And no matter what happens in the future - new partners, children growing into adults, etc...the above facts will never, ever change.

Our family will evolve - just like any other family does.

But we are not broken. My boys do not live in a "broken home".

They live in two homes that are quite intact.

They are both full of love, hugs, kisses and the same trials and tribulations, ups and downs, victories and challenges that any other home experiences.

So please don't refer to families and their homes that go through separation and/or divorce as "broken".

Sometimes...a nuclear family does not work. Sometimes it is somehow broken.

It takes a lot of soul searching and time to come to a realization that something needs fixing.

And you can only try so many tools and so many blue prints until a family sometimes comes to the conclusion that in fixing the family, the marriage must end.

In looking at all the variables...the partnership between the husband and wife is the broken part.

And sometimes the only "fix" is to realize that things need to be re-organized.

So is my family then "fixed"?

Well...I think in our case, we did what needed to be done. I think we are all still struggling with the transition - but it seems to be working better.

But our home - or homes - are certainly are not broken.

We are still a family.

And we always will be.




  1. So sorry to hear of your re-organization but on the other hand congratulations for being smart, kind and mature enough to handle it the way you both have, in the best interest of your children. My divorce did not go this way and I very much dislike what it has done to my children but we live and learn. I love your view on this.. much love to you

    1. Thanks Shauna. Your words mean a lot. Thank you for your continued support. And remember - we do the best we can with what we know at the time...right? Live and learn indeed. I appreciate your comments. Smiles - Lora

  2. Wow Lora...such a beautiful way to look at the concept of separation and divorce. I never really thought of it that way. I also have to admit that I have said "he or she comes from a broken home" - but now I will think twice. Sometimes divorce is the answer - if all attempts to save a marriage don't work. i am happy to hear that things are going OK for you so far. I know you are still going through it, but it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Great post. Hilary

    1. Hi Hilary - thanks for reading and for your thoughtful comments. I am glad to hear that this gave you a new perspective to think about. I greatly appreciate your support and hope you will continue to visit and read! Smiles - Lora