Tuesday, February 10, 2015

She Was Everything Beautiful and Different

"At the center of your being you have the answer: 
you know who you are and you know what you want."
 - Lao Tzu

Sometimes one needs a break.

Sometimes one needs to shake things up…try new things…see what is working and what needs to change.

Over the past year, I…without any real intention…took several breaks from blogging.

Not because I no longer love to write. Not because I had nothing to write about.

I just had a lot to process in my life – and while writing has helped me to process many things in the past – for some reason, it just didn’t seem like the right time or place over the past little while.

So rather than forcing myself to churn out half-assed blog posts for the sake of keeping things rolling….I stopped for a good while.

I processed.

I made significant changes.

I transformed.

I lived.

And I am feeling great.

Looking...and feeling...happy and healthy!

Lots has happened over the past couple of years – some of which I have written about.

My marriage ended. I had a rebound relationship that in retrospect was not healthy and was just a way of filling a void.

I got quite sick and took time off work.

I decided it was time to finally take stock and put all of my energy into my health and well-being after taking care of others for so long.

I started see a doctor regularly. I took vitamins and supplements. I completely overhauled my diet. I started walking more. I lost a crap-load of weight. I ditched a few bad habits. I did a lot of introspective thinking. 

Then I started to feel better. I went out on a few dates. I went back to work. I met a wonderful man. I lost a special friend suddenly to a heart attack/car accident. I realized that I have a core group of solid, amazing, wonderful, supportive friends.

I have an even greater understanding and appreciation for the awesome family – my sons, my parents, my brothers, my sister-in-law, my niece and nephew – that I have.

I also have a much greater understanding of who I am as a person.

I’m sensitive. I’m quirky. I’m kind. I’m kooky. I’m intense. I’m gregarious. I’m bright. 

I'm classy, sassy and smart-assy.

My custom-made necklace says it all!

I am who I am…and no one is ever going to make me feel like I have to change the qualities that I…and many others…like about me.

(Part of my authentic self? Being driven nuts by those who don't know the difference between "your" and you're"!)

I realized that before I thought I had to fit into some sort of mold; to live up to someone else’s blueprint; to follow the life rules that I somehow thought were written in stone.

Now I know that there is no one like me and that I am pretty fracking awesome – just as most people are in their own ways. More importantly, I know that being myself – and only myself – is what makes me happy. Being anyone else is suffocating. It slowly sucks the life out of a person.

My true friends know and love who I am. My family knows and loves who I am. My boyfriend knows and loves who I am.

And best of all…I finally know and love who I am again. 

This is framed and hangs in my bedroom as a gentle reminder.

So I'm here to say that I am ready to write again. Maybe not as often as before...but I truly have missed it. Certain things may be different...because my life is so different...but as life evolves...so shall this blog.

I will continue to try to be positive. I will continue to try to relay relatable happenings in my life as a mother (and now...a single mother). I will also continue to keep my relationship with my partner (my boyfriend) private and only refer to it in general terms. Some things are not for public consumption.

And of course...I will continue to try and keep you smiling. Because that is what I do.

That is who I am. 

It has been a while since I've been here.

But it feels good to be back!