Saturday, May 28, 2016

Shit Happens and Then You Cry

"The essential truth of life, he was coming to realize, wasn't romantic and took only two words to label: Shit. Happens."
 - J. R. Ward, Lower Mine

This is what happens.

Sometimes, this is what happens when you have an anxiety disorder. In my case, I have GED or Generalized Anxiety Disorder - which is basically a fancy name for the fact that I worry and think and over-think shit way too much. There is no "cure" - but there are ways to manage it.

Today was a rough day.

I was already feeling down and anxious - I was not having my best day as I struggle to get through this difficult bout of depression that has come with extreme anxiety spurts - otherwise known as anxiety or panic attacks.

I dropped my phone in my coffee - yes…only I would manage to do something this stupid…but I was trying to carry too much and then there I was and my phone was in my pretty-full coffee mug.


Not too much panic at first as I thought I got it out quickly enough.

But what if I didn't??!?!?

My phone! My only connection to the outside world right now!

No one knows my land line number!

I don't even don't my land line number!

I thought a very cheesy photo of a panicked lady would make this a little less of a downer post.
I'm not sure if it worked.

I never spoke to my ex on the phone so many times in a day since we separated. But started having a panic attack and his was one of a few numbers I knew off by heart - mostly because it was almost exactly the same as my own number. He had numbers - so I thought in some cases - that I needed. Our son's cell for one. Turns out he didn't have my mom's number but I ended up catching her at home shortly after.

But I digress.

From hearing about this happening to others before, I knew that putting the phone in rice was what to do in a pinch.

The only rice I had in my house was cooked, left over and in the fridge. Could quinoa work as well? It cooks the same way - absorbing water. And isn't that what the rice is doing? And I had that. So in my phone went in a big bowl-o-quinoa. Then my phone started vibrating non stop. Then I found out online the phone should be totally dry as possible and in a zip-lock bag. And that I could buy some gel shit to put it in.

But I couldn't leave the house.

I was having a panic attack as all this was going down you see.

A friend said quinoa should work OK. Apparently couscous is fine. Anyways so I tried and tried to get the vibrating to stop by turning the phone off but I could not put the fire out.

No pun intended.

My phone was getting hot. And I was afraid the battery would burn from the water and wreck my phone. It finally stopped the vibrating. Maybe a little heat dried the water but not too far. I have a feeling it is just toast. But I'll wait the couple of days to make sure before I get a news phone or see how much it would be to fix.

Pain. In. Ass.


(Like that tie-in to my other blog post - niiiiiiiiiiice)

Much more difficult to deal with right now.


As I was saying…panic attack.


Perspective Lora. Perspective!

I can't get a hold of my mom because my mom's cell phone number is on my fucking phone and I dropped my fucking phone in my coffee.

Like, who does that?!!??

As I was saying, I finally got hold of my mom. Much was right in my world now. Mom was on the phone. She is my rock. I also finally got my boyfriend on the phone. My other rock.

Remember the days of remembering important phone numbers? Like I don't even know my boyfriend of two years' phone number and I don't expect that he would know mine.  I had it written down one place else but I think it is at my office.

But I digress. I know that was predictable.

Today it was just about a phone getting wet.

Not the end of the world, right? First. World. Problem.

But, it felt worse than a national crisis to me right now. I know it's not. But it was too much.

After all that happened, My ex took my kids for the night - and I fell asleep for 8 hours straight. Panic attacks take a lot out of you. I have not slept that long in a while. 5:30 - 1:00am. Eight full hours! I missed my mom's and boyfriend's calls to my land line as it was still charging downstairs.

This is exactly what I look like when I sleep.

And so I sit here wide awake. Writing this blog. Probably will go back to bed soon.

May tomorrow be a better day.




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