Monday, July 23, 2018

Short Term Memory Loss and Other Toilet Training Tips for Toddlers

"I thought you should know...I have some short term memory loss.
I thought you should know…I have some short term memory loss."
 - Lora Rossi 
(Yes, I'm quoting myself. What? Sue me!)

Hey...I have no idea what I am talking about.
Do you?
So yeah. I have some short term memory loss.

And I also have some short term memory loss. (It just doesn't get old people!)

You know…the exclamation point is a very interesting little….what do you call it, a symbol? 

Sure we'll run with 'symbol'. 

And the only one that is rather confusing. I mean, you know a period means, 'this is the end of a sentence'. See? That was obviously the end of a sentence. See? That was obviously the end of a sentence. (OK…I'll stop. But it's funny! No?)

Anyways…then there is the question mark which means, 'This is the end of a question.' Simple.

Sorry…what was I talking about?

Oh…sort term memory loss? And the exclamation point? Wa?

Well I want to finish this little lesson so I will continue and then go back. I should be writing this down because I will probably forget the first topic. 

But I digress.

Then we have the comma, which means, 'hold on people, I'm taking a breath.' Like…enough run-on sentences friends. Can't we all get along and use a comma once in a while?

Then…there is the colon. The colon means, 'the part of the large intestine, which passes from the cecum to the rectum and absorbs water and electrolytes from food that has remained undigested'.

(No I did not just Google that. Sorry, what? Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Shit. OK…I meant the other colon. the punctuation mark. Oh..that is what these are…not frickin' 'symbols'! They are 'punctuation marks'!!!!!!!!!! And yes, I will eventually tell you about the exclamation point. And I may or may not have just been reminded that was my point. Ha! Get it? I kill me.)

But I digress.

The colon (to be clear, we are NOT talking about the one up your ass) means, 'Ta da! Here it is!!!'.

The semi-colon means, 'You thought this sentence was over, didn't ya? Well…psych! It's not!'

(Fun Friendly Fact: The semi-colon is also a symbol (in this case symbol works best) that represents the fight of someone with mental illness - i.e., "My story doesn't end here. I have more fighting and living to do.") 

What was I saying again? Ok thanks…the exclamation point.

The exclamation point is challenging because it can mean, 'I'm shouting at you because I'm pissed!!". It could also mean,  'I'm really excited about this!' And still it could mean,'This is very important information I just told you!'.

It is a very nuanced punctuation mark and one must be a bit of a detective and actually look at context and shit to figure out which one it means. Only probably. We can get it wrong and then people get pissed off, and arguments break out and it can get ugly.

So…uhhh…now wadda ya wanna talk about?

Short term memory loss? That's a great idea! Good on ya! And I actually…I uhhh….actually….uhhh….shit! What was I saying? (Yes I forgot mid-sentence. Happens multiple times a day. And when I'm sober to be clear.) Anyways…yeah, so great idea for a topic. And so timely. Thanks for your assistance.

You see, I am undergoing a treatment for my depression and anxiety called 'electroconvulsive therapy' or ECT.

ECT is a psychiatric treatment, given under general anesthesia in which seizures are electrically induced in patients to cause changes in brain chemistry that can quickly reverse symptoms of certain mental illnesses. It's nothing like in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest so don't go there. It…along with medication and therapy seem to be working finally for me…fingers crossed. 

But ECT does have side effects - like headaches, nausea and short term memory loss. And so, I weigh the pros and cons and the pro side way outdoes the cons. I am currently in a place of maintenance treatments bi-weekly and probably will eventually move to monthly.  I'll keep you posted on how things are going. So I will just have to learn to deal with this short term memory issue.

This concludes my post about toilet training tips for your toddler.


(I mean Lora. Or you can just call me Dory. Or Al. Whatevs.)

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