"I'm not a survivor. I'm a warrior."
This morning I woke up at 3:30 am feeling quite anxious. Not too strange.
I got up, took an anxiety pill, went downstairs, watched a bit of TV and then returned to bed and was able to fall back to sleep.
Until 6:30 am.
I woke up again, seemingly with a start, feeling even more anxious than before. It was kind of a feeling that I can only describe as a feeling of some sort of impending doom.
My first thought was that I was in the early throws of a panic attack…and that is when the fear of doom got worse as I worried about my anxiety getting worse.
Which was not a good way for the snowball to be rolling.
'OK', I thought. 'So I have a couple of choices.'
One, I could stay I bed, keep worrying about having a panic attack and this would probably turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Or two, I could take some action.
I was feeling like shit, but I had to choose between sick mode and warrior mode and I knew what needed to be done.
I could feel the storm brewing inside me and I knew I needed to get moving.
When my anxiety is bad, I often get so worked up that I feel sick and throw up.
So I did that. Always a fun time.
Then I quickly changed into my workout clothes and my running shoes as if nothing had happened, grabbed my iPod and concentrated on deep breathing.
I drank some water and I was out the door by 6:45 am.
I turned up my tunes, did some stretching and started to walk. And breathe. And walk. And groove to my music. And breathe. And walk.
Slowly, my anxiety started to dissipate.
I did this until my breathing was under control and I had walked about 45 minutes - roughly 4 kilometers.
And I felt much better.
Because I had one more morning under my belt where I chose to be a soldier instead of a person with a chronic illness.
I decided to fight.
And I fought through this storm and made it.
Because I am a warrior.